I have fallen off the wagon again this weekend, had to go round my dads for a roast dinner and got carried away. Feel really icky, major food baby and everywhere i look there are rolls of flab. I cried infront of mirror this evening. Why cant I just give in to her and STOP stuffing my face?
anyways, new plan for this week is:
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday
Pitch brioche (137 cals)
Babybel (61cals)
200ml orange juice (76cals)
Why protein shake (100cals)
=374 per day
Thursday and Friday
Babybel (61 cals)
200ml orange juice (76cals)
Whey protein shake (100cals)
= 237 cals
Saturday and Sunday
3 servings of 150ml orange juice
= 171 cals
I am going to try my hardest to stick to this, my goal is to lose 4lbs by Sunday. Wish me luck!
(By the way, the reason im obsessed with OJ at the moment is because I watched this diet show and vitamin C helps the body absorb other minerals and if you lack it you get scurvy LOL)
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Friday, 6 May 2011
GOAAAALLL!!!
I am SO psyched right now!!! I have reached another goal at last!! 147lbs...still gross and obese but the thing that matters is the scales have gone down!
I have spent way too long in a doomed cycle of binging and purging but now Ana is pushing Mia to the side. I have worked hard all week to keep my intake down low and the Mary-Kate Challenge is really helping to motivate me, I have a points scoreboard on the back of my bedroom door so that everytime im in my room I can see it.
So, in celebration I am going to make things alot harder. Half an hour ago I went to do some food shopping for myself, I came home with only 1 litre of Orange Juice. It is 38 calories for 100ml, if I have 100ml per mealtime then I will have 114 cals per day for 3 days. Also I will have 1 whey protein shake per day which is 100 cals per serving. So 214 calories for 3 days...I think that is rather achievable :) xxx
I have spent way too long in a doomed cycle of binging and purging but now Ana is pushing Mia to the side. I have worked hard all week to keep my intake down low and the Mary-Kate Challenge is really helping to motivate me, I have a points scoreboard on the back of my bedroom door so that everytime im in my room I can see it.
So, in celebration I am going to make things alot harder. Half an hour ago I went to do some food shopping for myself, I came home with only 1 litre of Orange Juice. It is 38 calories for 100ml, if I have 100ml per mealtime then I will have 114 cals per day for 3 days. Also I will have 1 whey protein shake per day which is 100 cals per serving. So 214 calories for 3 days...I think that is rather achievable :) xxx
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
The Mary-Kate Challenge
So my therapy went fairly well yesterday, I have 4 more sessions left. In all honesty I just want them over and done with, I feel like I can do fine without them...thank god the NHS only give you 8 at a time.
Anyways, I don't know if this is a recent thing or not as I have been away from the computer so much lately, but there's a new plan going around that started on Xanga but got taken off and off of a few other site too (apparently its unsuitable content but I think its pretty harmless!). It's called the Mary-Kate Challenge, named after Mary-Kate Olsen who struggled/struggles with Ana. I read up on it at the beginning of this week and started it yesterday. Here is is the plan:
You get points for certain things and add up the points at end of each day, my goal is to get atleast 30 points per day.
Anyways, I don't know if this is a recent thing or not as I have been away from the computer so much lately, but there's a new plan going around that started on Xanga but got taken off and off of a few other site too (apparently its unsuitable content but I think its pretty harmless!). It's called the Mary-Kate Challenge, named after Mary-Kate Olsen who struggled/struggles with Ana. I read up on it at the beginning of this week and started it yesterday. Here is is the plan:
You get points for certain things and add up the points at end of each day, my goal is to get atleast 30 points per day.
calorie intake 0-200 = 10 points 201-350 = 8 points 351-500 = 5 points 501-600 = 3 points 601-750 = 1 point over 750 = 0 points exercise none = 0 points 15-30 minutes = 1 point 31-45 minutes = 3 points 46- 1 hour = 4 points 1 1/2 hour = 6 point 2 hours = 8 points 2 1/2 hours = 9 points 3 or more hours = 10 points water intake 0 glasses = 0 points 1 glasses = 1 point 2 glasses = 2 points 3 glasses = 3 points 4 glasses = 4 points 5 glasses = 6 points 6 glasses = 7 points 7 glasses = 8 points 8 glasses = 9 points 9 glasses or more= 10 points sleeping hours 8 or more hours = 10 points 7 hours = 8 points 6 hours = 7 points 5 hours = 5 points 4 hours = 4 points 3 hours = 2 points 2 hours or less = 0 points bonus points updating yourblog = 3 points no binging = 2 points supporting others = 3 points posting thinspiration = 2 points Yesterday I got 27 points but im going to stay positive as it is only my first day on it :P. If any of you lovelies would like to do this with me, comment your daily points onto my blog or something :) xx (its a good way for me to make sure i drink enough water!)  |
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Therapy
I dont know if I have mentioned it before but since March I have been in therapy for depression. I have another session tonight and I'm really not looking forward to it. Basically, instead of telling her about what has been getting me down...I have told her all about Ana and Mia...
So she will be refering me to an eating disorder specialist (which i am trying to avoid!!) and 2 weeks ago at our last session she gave me a diet plan to have atleast 2 meals a day. My goal was to carry on with my original plan of losing as much weight with green tea etc as poss but the binging has made me take a million steps backwards! So I am going to go there tonight looking no thinner than last time and having to lie about what I have actually eaten out of shame...defeats object of therapy if im not honest huh lol.
This will be fun.
On Sunday my friend came round and was doing her own verson of therapy...I know she had the best intentions and was only trying to help but it made me feel horrid!
She wanted us to be really girly so we messed around with nail varnish and then she insisted we have a 'fashion show' in my room and go through my clothes trying them on. I have 3 wardrobes. One is for coats and shoes, half of one is for my big clothes I currently squeeze into and the other one and half are full of clothes that are waaaaay too small and of which I am aiming to fit into again. She stripped to her underwear with no problem at all and she is TINY (a UK size 8) and she tried on all my clothes with ease and what was heart breaking was that all the small clothes were baggy on her!!! Then I had the most awkward and cringe-worthy moment of taking my top off infront of her and although I tried to do it when she wasnt looking, she made sure she watched me and started commenting on my figure...she was trying to make me feel good by making positive comments but I could not have felt worse!
THEN she tried on THE DRESS...the one dress that i my goal dress, I have never worn it before and she put it on and was drowning in the material! I felt like a dagger had gone through my heart.
I need to lose all this weight to prove to her that I too can fit into those clothes, I need to get to a size 8, I want to be able to try her clothes on and know that feeling you get when you pull the zipper on a tiny dress right up to the top!!
After all this drama I stupidly showed her my pro-ana scrapbook of thinspo pics....I've let her in too much and now feel VERY vulnerable!
So she will be refering me to an eating disorder specialist (which i am trying to avoid!!) and 2 weeks ago at our last session she gave me a diet plan to have atleast 2 meals a day. My goal was to carry on with my original plan of losing as much weight with green tea etc as poss but the binging has made me take a million steps backwards! So I am going to go there tonight looking no thinner than last time and having to lie about what I have actually eaten out of shame...defeats object of therapy if im not honest huh lol.
This will be fun.
On Sunday my friend came round and was doing her own verson of therapy...I know she had the best intentions and was only trying to help but it made me feel horrid!
She wanted us to be really girly so we messed around with nail varnish and then she insisted we have a 'fashion show' in my room and go through my clothes trying them on. I have 3 wardrobes. One is for coats and shoes, half of one is for my big clothes I currently squeeze into and the other one and half are full of clothes that are waaaaay too small and of which I am aiming to fit into again. She stripped to her underwear with no problem at all and she is TINY (a UK size 8) and she tried on all my clothes with ease and what was heart breaking was that all the small clothes were baggy on her!!! Then I had the most awkward and cringe-worthy moment of taking my top off infront of her and although I tried to do it when she wasnt looking, she made sure she watched me and started commenting on my figure...she was trying to make me feel good by making positive comments but I could not have felt worse!
THEN she tried on THE DRESS...the one dress that i my goal dress, I have never worn it before and she put it on and was drowning in the material! I felt like a dagger had gone through my heart.
I need to lose all this weight to prove to her that I too can fit into those clothes, I need to get to a size 8, I want to be able to try her clothes on and know that feeling you get when you pull the zipper on a tiny dress right up to the top!!
After all this drama I stupidly showed her my pro-ana scrapbook of thinspo pics....I've let her in too much and now feel VERY vulnerable!
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