Okay, the lack of computer is really starting to get to me!! I unfortuntely lost my job 2 weeks ago and so whilst my brther is at college I can use his laptop :). I am so sorry for how long I have been away, I doubt anyone would have noticed to be honest as its been so long! lol.
SO....Easter came and went, I hope you were all alot stronger than me. I am welling up as I write this as I am in so much pain right now. Since i lost the job I have been feeling really down about not having money etc, and my mum had bought so much food that literlly everyday turned into a binge, I was hideously uncontrollable, it was asthough Mia was seeking revenge on Ana for all her hard work at keeping my weiht down. Then Easter came, I have never consumed so much chocolate in all my life, it was sickening, please dont judge me too much, i know i should be ashamed of myself! The reason I am in pain is because, firstly it is summer now...the days are getting hot and I cant fit into any of my clothes from last summer, I hate the thought of getting my flesh on display. I went to a theme park last weekend in jeans and a tshirt and it was a really sunny day, there were pretty and THIN girls everywhere i turned, they were all in shorts and crop tops and then there was me, frumpy and fat.
The second reason i am in pain is because I have taking 7 laxatives in a bid to punish myself for all the binges. ive had a few realeases already but the pains should have stopped 4 hours ago!! Serves me right I guess for being a pig.
Right now I have 2 things to worry about. First of all I only have a couple of days until I see my boyfriend again, I need to be thinner by then or else neither he or I will think i am the least bit attractive. Secondly, I am going on holiday in 10 days...enough said.
So I have devised a quick fix plan which I am really hoping will work. I am having 2 diet shakes tomorrow and 1 whey protein shake. the next day will be 1 litre of orange juice and the next 8 days I shall be water fasting and also drinking green tea. What do you think?
Sorry about the way I have written this, I'm just panicking so much right now. Love you all and hope you are all very well xxxx
